After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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