Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
