I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
