Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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