I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize