I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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