Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
