Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
