Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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