I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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