you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
