I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
