I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
