I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
