god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
