if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
