Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
