I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
