what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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