Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
