i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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