We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
