nut hugger
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize