I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
