Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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