She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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