That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
