I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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