Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
