I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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