I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
