Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize