Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
