I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So squirting runs in the family.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize