It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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