you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
