I just made out with a guy for $7.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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