As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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