i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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