I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
