you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
