are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
