I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just gift wrapped bread.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
