Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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