yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
