She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
