I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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