I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
