im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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