she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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