I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
