I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
