I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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