well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
