i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
