You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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