She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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