i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
