I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You can't motorboat a personality
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
