Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
