You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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