We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
