im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
