i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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