I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Boobs are out for the taking
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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