I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize