apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Four minutes until I can fart!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
