Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
