I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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