Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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