people are starting to question the shark bite story
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
