Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
