the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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