You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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